Trump's DOJ Is White DEI

The Trump Administration's Justice Department is filled with incompetent, unqualified people who personify the conservatives definition of a "diversity hire."

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“The American people have witnessed the previous administration engage in a systematic campaign against its perceived political opponents, weaponizing the legal force of numerous Federal law enforcement agencies and the Intelligence Community against those perceived political opponents in the form of investigations, prosecutions, civil enforcement actions, and other related actions.”

– Executive Order 1417, “Ending the Weaponization of the Federal Government”

On Thursday, a limited edition Slavemaster Barbie, who attended law school in a hotel, discovered her a beauty-queen-turned-secretary had filed criminal charges against the only person in American history to convict a president of a felony.

According to multiple reports, Attorney General Pam Bondi was “caught off guard” by the news that interim U.S. Attorney Lindsey Halligan had filed federal criminal indictments against New York Attorney General Letitia James. The news came as Bondi was busy lying to Congress about how a third-runner-up beauty pageant contestant with no federal prosecutorial experience had miraculously found enough evidence to charge former FBI Director James Comey with lying to Congress.

For weeks, Trump’s hand-picked investigator, John Durham, had been unable to prove that Comey made false statements to Congress. But after Trump mistook his Truth Social account for iMessages and pressured Bondi to indict the president’s political enemies, the almost beauty queen miraculously found evidence that Durham couldn’t. On Tuesday, a federal judge agreed to consider Comey’s motion for dismissal based on three arguments:

• Halligan was illegally appointed

• No one has seen the mysterious “evidence” she supposedly found

• Trump’s alleged acknowledgment that the case is politically motivated

The layers of inexperience, chaos, and outright incompetence inside the DOJ illustrate how the Trump administration is…

What is the white equivalent of “janky?”

How White Victim Culture Redefined “Merit”

As a bilingual Black man who is fluent in Caucasian vernacular, I know how to translate from niche Black idioms into the Wypipo patois colloquially known as “Peckerwoodian” (If you find that offensive, you probably wouldn’t laugh when my Uncle Sonny boy describes talking to the police as “speaking Cracka’nese”). For instance, I once gently explained to my white female classmate, Marla Syznowiski, that my grandmother was not commenting on the fleetfoodedness of the entire Anglo-Saxon race when she said: “You know, white girls are fast.”¹

I can also break down the etymology of entire phrases like “go to your goat.”² I can even convert Black units of measurement to White American Vernacular English.

Unfortunately, as with most Black multilinguists, my lexical dexterity is limited to one direction. I don’t really know how many “boatloads” make up a “shit-ton,” or whether an “asswipe” is more detestable than a “fuckwad.” When white people are “ready to rock & roll,” I have no idea if they “finna go” or if they are simply “bout' to leave.” I am still researching whether being “on thin ice” is worse than “barking up the wrong tree.”

Perhaps the most perplexing part of the white jargon is when they redefine words and phrases by culturally appropriating language. For instance, Black America had been saying “woke” for more than 80 years before the word became a pejorative that made white anal cavities tighter than AIPAC’s grip on Van Jones’ testicles. The scholars who coined the term Critical Race Theory also created a definition, until it was redefined by Christopher Rufo, a lesser-educated race-baiter whose only expertise is Caucasity. Now, CRT means “things that white people don’t like. Hobart Taylor Jr. coined the term “affirmative action;” the Supreme Court translated it to “anti-white.”

For Black people, diversity, equity, and inclusion was an umbrella term for anti-discrimination policies that provided opportunities for qualified people who had been historically excluded because of their race, gender, or sexuality. But because of the brittle, privilege-powered imagination that white fragility produces, a diversity hire is…