The Kwanzaa Collection: Stories About the Turkey Bacon of Holidays

This year, we are celebrating Kwanzaa by sharing stories about the greatest holiday since Juneteenth.

This Kwanzaa, we’re sharing the complete collection of stories about the greatest holiday since Juneteenth. This post was originally published on Dec. 26, 2018.

I like turkey bacon.

I realize that turkey bacon is essentially a ribbon of bologna meat, but as someone who grew up in a super-religious household and was raised by an uber-religious mother, I never had bacon (or any of the popular pork-related meats) until I was an adult. Don’t get me wrong, I knew of bacon’s existence, but by the time I was old enough to try it, I had been so brainwashed that the smell of bacon frying still kinda turns my stomach.

Now that I’ve tried it, I like bacon. I am not under the impression that turkey bacon is somehow better for you or that it tastes better than heathen bacon. But given the choice, I will still choose to eat turkey bacon.

I like Kwanzaa.

It’s not that I don’t like Christmas. However, Christmas, to me is like bacon. I know people really like it but it sometimes turns my stomach when I smell it from a distance. I realize that Kwanzaa is a made-up holiday (and so is Christmas) but my family also never celebrated Christmas. Ever.