The Clapback Mailbag: Membas Only
Our weekly response to emails, DMs, messages and comments from our readers.
Neil “Wurl Champeen” Jackson (not his real name) was one of the greatest athletes of all time.
In 1984, Wurl scored six touchdowns in a 40-minute football game. He was a feared basketball player who led his state in scoring. He was also scouted by the Baltimore Orioles after leading his baseball team to three Little League World Series. Unfortunately, Wurl was kicked off his college football team because he slept with his assistant coach’s girlfriend.
To be fair, I have no idea if any of this is true. Wurl is a few years older than I and, other than the time I bet him that he couldn’t kick a 30-yard field goal (I won), I’ve never seen him in an athletic competition. But if you ever meet him, he will unfailingly recount the tales of his athletic prowess. “Mike ‘memba when I scored those six touchdowns?” he’ll say. “You too young to ‘memba when I was the best basketball player in America. Ask your uncle Rob! He ‘memba when it was me, then Sam Perkins and then some dude named Michael Jordan. He ‘memba.” He would end his series of increasingly spectacular tales with the signature line that became his nickname:
“Fo-Time Wurl Champeen,” he’d say, holding up four fingers. “Three in a row!”
In my attempt to verify these literally unbelievable athletic exploits, I actually asked my uncle about my homeboy’s legendary “‘memba whens.” My uncle just laughed and said:
“Wurl ‘memba when everything happened,” Uncle Rob said, laughing. “Except when I loaned him that 20 dollars!”
This story is about America.
For some important historical events (the Alamo, 9/11, J. Cole going platinum with no features), this country has a remarkable ability to “‘memba when.” Our impeccable collective recall is how so-called “strict constructionist” telepaths can read the Founding Fathers’ intent from beyond the grave. It’s why we cook out on the Fourth of July and celebrate our war record (two World Wars in a row!). How can we make America great again if we forget its illustrious past?
We never forget.
Of course, there are always going to be people who love bringing up old shit (like the nearly 2 million Africans who perished in the human trafficking genocide, the 9 million Native American victims of the colonial holocaust or the 1 million white people who volunteered to fight for white supremacy). Only a “woke” anti-white race-baiter would remind people that the man who proposed the idea of a national Confederate Battle flag said, “As a people, we are fighting to maintain the heaven-ordained supremacy of the white man over the inferior or colored race.” It is a historical fact that most white people didn’t support the anti-lynching campaigns, the Civil Rights Movement or any movement for racial justice or equality.
For some reason, the same people who “never forget” also believe historically accurate facts are divisive. Maybe they’re afraid we’ll remember what America borrowed from Black people. Or perhaps this country doesn’t want to pay the debt it owes.
That’s why ContrabandCamp responds to emails, DMs, comments and messages every Friday.
We ‘memba when.
Our story about Sidney Sweeney’s jean therapy commercial inspired a lot of feedback:
There were two common responses to the article. The first is that the ad is much ado about nothing, and anyone who is offended by the ad has a “victim mentality” or is playing right into American Eagle’s plan to stir controversy.
From: Myles
I’m going to be honest, I also didn’t see an issue with the ad. I think the ad itself is just another marketing gimmick using sex to sell products.
I do understand where the negative commentary comes from, but I feel like we are attacking Sweeney and American Eagle more so because we know how certain people will view this ad. The jeans/genes wordplay to me just reads like a way of connecting dots to get you thinking about blue jeans.
But maybe I’m not looking into it deep enough.
Dear everyone,
‘Memba when it was OK to use the word “gay?” or “f****t?” Remember when “tranny” was just a shortened form of “transsexual” and everyone wasn’t so woke?
I don’t.
In 2011, the NBA fined Kobe Bryant $100,000 for using the word “f****t” during a game. A few months later, Kobe responded to someone on Twitter for calling him “gay.”
When Kobe corrected the person, something interesting happened. People got mad at Kobe for pushing the “gay agenda.”
I will admit that I have used both words. To me, using the f-word or calling someone gay was not associated with homosexuality. But when this happened, I didn’t defend Kobe because—and I know this may sound crazy—there was the slight possibility that I was wrong. Instead of assuming that I was right and everyone was just being a little too fragile, I sat down with a gay couple and asked if using a word could be homophobic if the person’s intent had nothing to do with homosexuality (for instance, yelling the f-word at the television when a football player fumbled).
One said he didn’t think using the pejorative was necessarily homophobic, but it made him uncomfortable. The other person said it was wrong for anyone to use the terms in a negative way, even if it had nothing to do with sexuality. To him, using the word in any negative context was equivalent to saying his lifestyle is wrong. I have also interviewed a trans activist who said she didn’t consider the term “trannie” to be a slur, even though some trans people did. The most interesting part of both conversations is that all three unilaterally acknowledged that they weren’t necessarily offended by the use of those words.
Like you, I wasn’t offended or outraged by Sydney Sweeney’s stupid commercial (a point I literally made in the article). Still, it’s quite possible to think something is ridiculous or insensitive without being personally slighted. In fact, that’s exactly how you felt about the woke mob’s criticism of American Eagle. Some people call out dumb shit. Some people stay silent.
Let’s say you didn’t find anything offensive or insensitive about the ad. Let’s imagine that your individual interpretation of that ad is the only possible interpretation. Let’s even assume that everyone who doesn’t feel like you is too fragile, jealous or dumb to understand the beauty and genius buried deep in the subtext of this 30-second commercial.
Why do you think so many people did?
Was there a secret emergency meeting of the woke mob where we collectively decided to drop our grievances with Target, CBS, the Trump administration, the Supreme Court, Fox News, the GOP, the Democratic Party, Jeffrey Epstein and the NFL to focus on a jeans company that no Black person has ever given a single, solitary fuck about?
I understand that, for you, being wrong is as inconceivable as Black people being right. But the existence of people who don’t think or feel the same as you is—at the very least—statistically possible. In fact, there are actual people who could teach you something that could change your perception.
If American Eagle was intentionally causing controversy, there is still value in calling out white nonsense. As Kobe proved, sometimes public scrutiny or shame is an effective tool. American Eagle’s intent notwithstanding, here’s my ultimate question:
What’s wrong with being kind?
Why would so many people rather be like Kobe’s Twitter troll than be like Kobe? Why would people rather be like Joe Rogan or Dave Chappelle than Jesus? Is treating people with grace and humanity harder than being mean? Is loving your neighbor harder less rewarding than fucking with people who weren’t fucking with you?
Actually, I know the answer.
A few months after those interviews, I was talking to two friends, both of whom had listened to the conversations between me, the gay couple and the trans woman. When one of them corrected the other for using the word “trannie,” the other defended himself by pointing to the episodes. To him, he didn’t need to be “politically correct” if his words didn’t “outrage” or “offend” LGBTQ people.
“I ain’t worried about being politically correct,” the other friend replied.
“I just don’t wanna be nobody’s white man.”
Remember that.
The other criticism we received is a version of a common complaint. That by focusing on Sydney Sweeney’s looks, we are the “real racists.”
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