The Caucasians' Guide to Surviving an Assassination
While white people have historically dominated the assassin industry, if anyone knows how to survive America's violent streak, it's Black people.
Authorities in Washington, D.C., arrested a California man on Saturday evening during a desperate attempt to sneak into the club without his wristband.
A man armed with guns and knives stormed the lobby outside the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner attended by President Donald Trump on Saturday night, charging toward the ballroom in a chaotic encounter with Secret Service agents as guests dived under tables at the sound of shots being fired.
The president was uninjured and was rushed off the stage. The armed man, who officials said was a guest at the Washington Hilton where the dinner was being held, was taken into custody and was expected in court Monday.
For Black people, this is light work.
According to a peer-reviewed research study, 84.2% of Black people have been at a party where a shooting started (when a dude at my barbershop told me this, an old man peered over his glasses and said: “sho nuff”). While Chris Brown has issued numerous warnings against hating from outside the club, many people don’t know what to do when an assassin starts to tear the club up.
Black people, however, are very good at not being assassinated.
Even if you count the unsubstantiated rumors about Abraham Lincoln, Black presidents, vice presidents and federal officeholders still boast a 99.999% non-assassination rate. Why do you think there were so few Black people at the WHCD (aside from racism, mainstream media purging of Black journalists and the unseasoned chicken they probably served)?
In the spirit of brotherhood, we put together these 10 tips for our caucasoidal brothers and sisters who may find themselves in the middle of an assassination attempt.
