Quiz: Are You an Antifa or a Radical Leftist?

Take this quiz to find out which category of non-MAGA you belong in.

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I used to be Black.

For most of my life–aside from a brief period in the early 90s where I alternately referred to myself as “Asiatic” or a “God of the Earth” (I blame the Poor Righteous Teachers) – I self-identified as Black (it’s literally written all over my face). When people referred to me as “African American,” one of “the good ones,” or an African American member of the BIPOC “urban community” who “speaks so well,” I understood what their euphemisms meant. I didn’t even mind when “colorblind” liberals who “don’t have a racist bone in their body” claimed they didn’t care if someone is “Black, white, or purple” (I also realized that anyone who says that does care). I know acknowledging their race gives some white people the heebie jeebies, so I am mostly unbothered by their sanctimonious, racially oblivious virtue signaling (Unless, of course, they actually know a purple person, which could only mean there’s a dead white woman in their basement or they fuck with Grimace, in which case, I do care. I hate that magenta motherfucker.)

Although I am much more than just a Black man, my entire family’s lineage – and how they experienced America – was shaped by this country’s historical allegiance to its arbitrary racial classifications. Plus, I absolutely love being Black. I don’t think that’s unique. I imagine Asian people love their culture and heritage as much as I like eating seasoned food, dancing on beat without counting in my head, and sitting outside being 99.9% sure my DNA is not colluding with the sun to assassinate me.

While I enjoy being unmurdered by sunlight, when a majority of white voters conspired to let a dimwitted, demonstrably racist, vindictive, certified sexual deviant babysit a country that was already teeming with anti Blackness (and, apparently, degenerate Grimace fuckers), I knew people of my ilk were going to catch hell. But as the Trump Administration began turning back the hands of time and dismantling multiracial democracy, I realized that I had multiple targets on my back.

Even if I pulled a Stephen A. Smith and believed that Jasmine Crockett, the formerly Asiatic Gods of the Universe and I could somehow “compromise” with an administration whose prime directive is white supremacy, I am still a “DEI,” which is illegal under this fascist regime. Of course, referring to this authoritarian regime as “fascist” technically makes me anti-fascist, which also has been outlawed by the white, house destroyers who are destroying the White House. Did my Blackness mean I was an illegal “diversity hire,” even if I was self-employed? Or did pointing out Charlie Kirk’s racism align me with the executive decree “radical leftists?” Am I a criminal because I wrote a book on a “divisive concept” like Black history, or was it the “history” part that broke Trump’s order restoring truth and sanity?

If you’re reading this, you probably already broke the law. But if you’re like me, you probably want to know if you will be imprisoned in a radical leftist lockup facility, a concentration camp for Chicago thugs, or the gulag affectionately named Alcatraz 2, Antifa Boogaloo (Under construction). Fortunately, we’ve created a quiz to see where you fall in one of 10 categories:

1. Antifa: A secret terrorist cell that commits heinous acts and blames it on peaceful, law-abiding patriots like the Jan. 6 tourist group and the Charlottesville Swastika Parade Drill Team

2. Critical Race Theorist: Examples include historians, museum directors, and people who promote the idea that slavery was racist.

3. Marxist: Also known as socialist, communists, or “economists,” most believe in terrible, anti-capitalist ideas such as regulating trade (except for tariffs), government handouts (Elon Musk excluded), and forcing the rich to pay their fair share.

4. Radical Leftist: Anyone who believes in multi-racial democracy, due process, equal treatment under the law, scientific fact, or that Joe Rogan is dumb.

5. Woke Warrior: While some claim the term was appropriated from Black culture, the term has evolved to mean: “Anything white people don’t like.”

6. Gender Extremist: The authors of the gay agenda, these extremists don’t think gender and sexual orientation should be defined by extremists who wrote a book 2,000 years ago.

7. Anti-White Racist: People who want to take over America by replacing the white majority who took over America by replacing the Native Americans.

8. Un-American: People who don’t support free speech, the troops, or great American heroes who committed treason during the Civil War.

9. Anti-Christian: You want to replace Jesus, Santa, the Easter Bunny, and other white Christian icons with Sharia Law.

10. Traitor: Conservatives who are actually conservative. Christians who believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ. People who want to see the Epstein files.

Happy testing!