How to Fix a Plate in America

This week, we give thanks to Black Thanksgiving with a series of tutorials on navigating one of the greatest holidays of all time.

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As part of ContrabandCamp’s ongoing efforts to demystify the cultural customs of Black America, we are exploring one of the oldest and most heralded traditions of the African-American community: the ceremony known as Black Thanksgiving.

Although I am known mostly for my groundbreaking research in wypipology and cookout studies, as a native South Carolinian, a descendant of the Gullah Geechee people and veteran of roughly 323 Thanksgivings, I have extensive experience in two distinct areas:

1. Thanksgiving-related arts and sciences

2. Surviving America

Seriously. First of all, if you haven’t noticed, I am one of the few Black people who has never died. During the course of staying alive, I have survived police brutality, the war on drugs, the Cash Money takeover of the ’99 and the 2000, and more than one white president. This is why I give thanks.

And, because I was raised in a family of women who love to cook and are saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost, we never had family dance parties. None of my aunts know how to do the Wobble (Well, my aunt Joyce might, but everyone knows she’s a heathen). Most of my family traditions revolve around thanking Jesus for his many blessings and potlucks.

While most people celebrate the holiday only once a year, my family averages six to 12 Thanksgivings each year. Every birthday, religious holiday and anniversary served as a potluck supper complete with passed-down potato salad recipes and multiple flavors of Kool-Aid. I was a grown man before I realized it was a holiday. I still get texts from family members that say: “We’re having a Thanksgiving on March 20 at Marvell’s house.”

Now, I’m not bragging about this. I’m just giving you my credentials to let you know that I might be one of the most Thanksgivingiest people on the planet. Despite my lack of experience in the ways of Caucasian Turkey Day (I assume it’s the same but with more casseroles and more light-skinned gravy), I’d like to give back to the Thanksgiving community by sharing my knowledge that combines the two areas of my expertise:

How to fix a plate in America.