G.O.A.T. Tournament: Christian Nationalism Rises Again

Don't crucify me but, apparently, White Jesus is the Greatest Oppressor of All Time.

Envato Elements

The votes for our tournament of racism champions have been cast, and the people have spoken. After three weeks of intense competition, the choice is clear.

Christian nationalism is the Greatest Oppressor of All Time.

Before we give the winner this crown of thorns, let us celebrate the accomplishments of this winner.

Born to a father (King James) who so loved the world that he gave a virgin (America) his only begotten son, American Christianity was immaculately conceived in 1606. He found his purpose as soon as he was born: “propagating [the] Christian religion to such people, as yet live in darkness and miserable ignorance of the true knowledge and worship of God.” His father told him to “bring the infidels and savages, living in those parts, to human civility, and to a settled and quiet government.”

Our original recipe white savior immediately went to work.

In August 1619, a few years after the illegal immigrant’s dad released a New World Times Bestseller, the anchor baby purchased “20 & odd negroes … at the best and easyest rates they could,” claiming it was “for the advancement of this Christian Plantation.” In October 1705, the Virginia General Assembly convened to clarify the difference between a “servant” and a “slave.” Although there was no such thing as America, the law mentioned this beautiful thing called a "country" and the Caucasian Prince was immediately smitten.

Christianity, meet nationalism.

And also be in enacted, by the authority aforesaid, and it is hereby enacted, That all servants imported and brought into this country, by sea or land, who were not christians in their native country shall be accounted and be slaves, and such be here bought and sold…

And for a further christian care and usage of all christian servants, Be it also enacted, by the authority aforesaid, and it is hereby enacted, That no negros, mulattos, or Indians, although christians, or Jews, Moors, shall, at any time, purchase any christian servant, nor any other, except of their own complexion, or such as are declared slaves by this act: And if any negro, mulatto, or Indian, Jew, Moor, Mahometan, or other infidel … shall purchase any christian white servant, the said servant shall, ipso facto, become free and acquit from any service then due …

– “An Act Concerning Servants and Slaves”

It was a match made in hell.

The soul mates were inseparable. The lovers united in holy matrimony in a ceremony on July 4, 1776, when 56 oppressors wrote a letter severing ties with their parents. In declaring their independence, they said they now believed that “all men are created equal.”

They didn’t.

After a nasty fight with the parents, the nepo baby began building an empire. Nationalism was great at convincing people of their exceptionalism, while Christianity was such a swindler that anyone who looked like them started to believe in their own supremacy. This counterfeit Christian and the stolen nation were not just the perfect couple; their union was more perfect.

Like all relationships, they didn’t always get along. They briefly separated in 1861 after a threesome with a sweet-talking racist side-chick. Christianity filed divorce “in conformity with the ordinance of the Creator” but Nationalism knew the affair was based on the cornerstone of “the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery subordination to the superior race is his natural and normal condition.” But they knew they were soul mates. Even when they fought each other, they could always agree that one thing was more important than their petty disagreements:

Whiteness.

Christian nationalism’s feats of oppression are too numerous to name. The Klan was so inspired by its excellence, they featured the team’s logo prominently during their impromptu lawn bonfires ceremonies. It enacted a genocide on Indigenous Americans in the name of Manifest Destiny. It protected Jim Crow’s “divinely inspired system” by enforcing “segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.” It bombed churches and murdered babies to “maintain forever the supremacy of the white race.” It violently resisted nonviolent resistance. But for all these spectacular exploits, there is one act that is more breathtaking than all the others combined:

Nothing.

Christians and the nation did nothing to end slavery until another nation bombed them into fighting back. The nation did nothing to stop lynch mobs made up almost entirely of Christians. Indian removal; nothing. Japanese-American internment; nothing. Tulsa; nothing. Wilmington; nothing. Red Summer of 1919; nothing. Jim Crow; nothing.

I have received a number of emails, comments and suggestions about people who should’ve been included in this tournament. Some argued for lesser-known but more influential names like the first person to call a Black person “nigger” or the man who invented crack. While I agreed with some of the suggestions, here is a better thought experiment:

Could you come up with 64 names for a tournament of true white allies?

Think about it. In 248 years of racial strife, could you name five-and-a-half dozen white Christians who actually pledged their allegiance to one nation under God with liberty and justice for all?

Now that would be a miracle.

Perhaps the white race’s most outstanding achievement is the ability to profess its love for country and its lord and savior while simultaneously rejecting the tenets of both. To be fair, someone once explained their reluctance to act in a letter to a guy named Martin Luther King Jr., writing: “All Christians know that the colored people will receive equal rights eventually, but it is possible that you are in too great a religious hurry.”

Although I have no idea what Christ or a nation that actually believed in liberty and justice for all would do, I bet it would go something like this:

“I did not come here to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” — A Christian

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity” — A Nation

“We have to bring back our religion …We have to bring back Christianity in this country.” —A Christian nationalist

As we conclude our championship ceremony, there is something else you should know:

This tournament was not about white people.

It had nothing to do with white supremacy or what kind of racism is worse. It wasn’t even about oppression.

This tournament was about Black people.

It was about how Black people managed to defeat the most powerful politicians, the wealthiest men, the most influential institutions and the most despicable movements that have ever been concocted. We dismantled an international human trafficking ring and amended the Constitution that protected it. We created our own colleges and universities that rivaled institutions of higher learning built by people born into all the privilege and money the world had to offer. The Ku Klux Klan could not bomb us out of existence; we destroyed the Klan. Jim Crow could not make our children separate or unequal. Even the most extensive, clandestine, best-funded counterintelligence program in the history of the world could not keep us from making this nation ours.

We are the Black messiah whose rise the nation tried to prevent.

They didn’t.

Jesus wept.