5 Alternative Acts That Might Save MAGApalooza 250
Trump’s big birthday bash is falling apart…like America. Here's how we save it.
I was looking forward to Peckerwoodstock.
Billed as “The Great American State Fair,” the Freedom 250 concert was organized by a bipartisan group of Trump supporters to “bring together all 56 U.S. states and territories in a World Fair-style celebration of America's 250th birthday, featuring live entertainment, immersive exhibits, patriotic tributes, innovation showcases, cultural programming, and family-friendly attractions stretching from the U.S. Capitol to the Washington Monument.”
The list of performers featured the worst parts of music’s mediocre-est acts, including:
Either Milli or Vanilli
Poison-less singer Brett Michael
The Commodores not featuring Lionel RIchie
The senior citizen rapper known as “Young MC”
The Time-less Morris Day
And yes, I was going to attend.
First of all, who doesn’t like holiday celebrations? Unlike those white people who are still whining about Juneteenth, I love holidays. Although my ancestors were locked in the horse garage when the Founding Fathers declared their independence, I still throw some meat on the grill and watch fireworks on July 4th because I know what Thomas Jefferson would have wanted:
Plus, watching white people dance has always been one of my favorite white pastimes. Unfortunately, aside from that one time I attended a “Save the Princess” frat party with my college friend Beebo (May he rest in power), I’ve never been invited to a white cookout, wedding or a Caucasian birthday celebration. (Also, I don’t know if Beebo is dead. But, if you ever met Beebo, you’d know…I’m probably right.)
I was ready to purchase two back row seats and spend an afternoon laughing at flip-flop-wearing white folks’ off-beat boogieing to patriotic tunes about apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur (fun fact: “Get Low” is a negro spiritual that informed Underground Railroad escapees that the slave catchers were coming). But, as it turns out, the MAGApalooza lineup was like Cheyenne Bryant’s “doctorial” degree, American democracy, or a country where “all men are created equal.”:
A good idea that never happened.
