Breaking News: ICE Agents Arrest Santa Claus
Homeland Security arrested the undocumented delivery driver after Trump issued executive orders targeting the CEO of the world's largest toy manufacturer.
In a stunning event that threatens America’s standing with the United Nations, NATO and children across the world, U.S. officials arrested the beloved CEO of the world’s largest toy company.
Known as Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas, Jesus’s Lil’ Friend and numerous other aliases, the dependable overnight delivery driver was captured during a military raid. Photos obtained by ContrabandCamp showed hundreds of stunned elves handcuffed and shackled on shelves after SEAL Team Six members breached the North Pole-based manufacturing facility that was only equipped with a jingle bell warning system.
“As part of the Trump administration’s worldwide efforts to secure our border, a team of red-blooded, heterosexual warriors apprehended Kristopher Kringle,” War Secretary Pete Hegseth told ContrabandCamp while gulping a strong-smelling liquid that he identified as “the real eggnog.”
“The notorious head of the international smuggling cartel was arrested on direct orders from the strongest, smartest, bravest president who ever lived. No longer will American citizens be terrorized by jolly old illegal aliens crossing our border to invade our homes. His reign of terror is over.”
